sometimes in life if you truely love someone you have to make the decision to let them go. you have to face the fact that maybe you’re doing more damage than good to eachother, and that letting go is the only way to insure that both of you will no longer have to hurt. being with someone you love should be effortless, and when being with that person becomes the biggest stressor in your life then you have to decide where your breaking point stops, and where your strength to move on begins. that doesn’t mean that you didn’t love them, or that you don’t still love them now it just means that if you’ve lost that overwhelming happiness you once had then you shouldn’t stay around and let yourself be helpless to the sadness, or the lies, or the feelings that engulf you when you’re waiting on phone calls, and aplogizies that are meaningless  words. you shouldn’t let yourself wither away with each fight, or lose your mind in constant worry about what the person that claims to love you is doing. if you’ve become more like strangers who occasionally have sex when the other isn’t tired or hasn’t made up some excuse then you’ve lost the feeling of having a bestfriend that all you wanted to do is touch, and make love to, and you’ve unfortunatley began the process of loosing eachother. it’s not easy to make that decision to go your seperate ways with someone who you used to never be seperated from for more than a few hours, but it’s better to let go while you still have a tad bit of hope because each day you feel more and more like you’re obligated to be there for that person. moving on sometimes is the best thing that you can do for both people involved, and sometimes you’ve just got to be strong, and let yourself free.

On the back of a motor bike
With your arms outstretched trying to take flight
Leaving everything behind
But even at our swiftest speed
We couldn’t break from the concrete
In the city where we still reside
And I have learned
That even landlocked lovers yearn
For the sea like navy men
‘Cause now we say goodnight
From our own separate sides
Like brothers on a hotel bed

These past couple of weeks I’ve been trying really hard to pin point exactly where I went wrong, and I’ve been analyzing every memory trying to understand why I chose to make the decisions that I made. Honestly I lost a lot of good friends, and not only have I payed the price for that, but along the way I pretty much lost all of myself to. I know that no matter how much I wish I could go back and run away from every situation that I shouldn’t have put myself in, I can’t, but what I can say is that through everything I learned lessons that I will carry with me for a lifetime. I don’t know where to begin or if apologies will even suffice, but in my heart i’m truly sorry to every friend that I have ever disappointed   and discarded on my journey to find happiness in all the wrong places. I wish that I could push rewind, and change every stupid mistake because in the end I did nothing but destroy myself. I hope that one day those people that I let down will find it inside themselves to forgive me, as I have done to forgive myself for ruining every thing that I had going for me. All of you have touched me, and changed my life in some way, and I hope that you know that the memories that we shared together years ago will stay with me forever. You’re all in my heart, and I hope that somewhere deep down in there, i’m in yours as well.